[STORS] The Purple Worm - Den Lila Masken

[Will709432]

**apology if I have set this out wrong on the forum; still trying to get to grips with things here. After the encouragement of my first attempt at this, I decided to try again. This time I cleaned it up a bit more beforehand since I now have Swedish for Microsoft word. Very handy. And tried to make the sentences simpler than the last one. Again, the story itself is just a bit of fun.

Svensk version
Den lila masken

Underlig tjejen, tänkte Jenny. Hon har på sig de där glasögonen överallt. Även inomhus. Och lila!
Jenny rynkade pannan. Kanske är de hjälp med ögon problem.
Tja, om hon njuter att se på världen i lila, vem jag är att säga något?
När Jenny var sexton år hade hon lila hår. (could you say ”hon har på sig lila hår” here instead?)
Hon log när hon mindes och tog farväl av flickan vid dörren. (would ”when she kom ihåg” work here as well? And I wanted to say, she smiled as she said goodbye to the girl at the door but when I wrote som, it looked to me as if I was saying, who said goodbye at the door)
Hon var trött från arbetet och gick direkt upp trappan. Hon tänkte gå till sängs omedelbar. Men hon bestämde sig för att titta till Toby först. Hon kikade in i Tobys rum. Hon blev överraskad över att han fortfarande var vaken. Hans lampa var tänd och han höll täcket under hakan. Han såg sig omkring i rummet. Hans blå ögon var stora av rädsla.
-Mardröm? Jenny satte sig på sängen men när hon rörde lätt vid hans panna ryckte Toby till.
-Vad är det för fel?
-Lilamask!
Jenny stirrade. -Lilamask?
Toby nickade. Hans läppar blev bleka. -Det kommer att fånga mig, stammade han. -Sal berättade
-Åh, det gjorde hon!
-Sal sade att det kryper längs golvet och att skulle det hoppa för att bita mig. Sal sade att maskens gift gör ett surrande ljud i man huvud (what about "ger upphov till" here, the poison gave rise to…?). Sal sade när man höra det ljuden dör man. Han hyperventilerande nästan.
-Det finns inte, okej. (wasn't sure how to say, no such thing)
Han puttat för att han hade blivit utskälld. Då ropade Toby -men Sal sade att det är osynlig.
Jenny blev arg och bet ihop sina tände. -Nåja, hur kan Sal veta om man inte ser det? Tänk på det!
-Hon kan se det med special glasögonen, sa Toby.
-För himlens skull!"

Jenny fick vänta tills Toby skulle sluta skaka, innan gick hon ner trappan. Hon tänkte ringa Sal genast. -Om hon inte säger till honom att det är fantasi så kommer jag att sparka henne, sa Jenny till sig själv och tog tag i väskan från soffan for att få sin mobil (would hämta be better here? Changed from "så ska jag avskeda henne" to " så kommer jag att sparka henne" as suggested by Basler. Also changed vänta på att Toby skulle sluta skakande to Jenny fick vänta tills Toby slutade skaka, Basler suggestion ..not sure why I wrote skakande).
Något stack hennes i arm.
-Ouch, ropade hon och såg oroligt ner på en blodfläck.
-Vad! … Hon letade efter skyldige (snälla, vara inte en sängbagge, tänkte hon) när det hördes ett konstigt susande ljud i huvudet och rummet började snurra.

English version
The purple worm.

Strange girl, Jenny thought. Wears those glasses everywhere. Even indoors. And purple.
Jenny frowned. Perhaps they are a remedy for sight problems.
Well, if she enjoys seeing the world in purple, who am I to say anything?
When Jenny was sixteen she wore purple hair. She smiled when she remembered, and said goodbye to the girl at the door.
Tired from work, she went straight upstairs. She intended to go straight to bed. But she decided to check on Toby first. She peeped inside Toby's room. She was surprised that he was still awake. His lamp was on and he was holding the quilt under his chin. He was looking around the room. His blue eyes were big with fear.
"Bad dream?" Jenny sat on the bed, but when she touched his brow lightly, Toby jerked. "What’s wrong?
"Purple Worm"
Jenny Stared. "Purple Worm?
Toby nodded. His lips were pale. ”It’s going to get me,” he stammered. ”Sal told me about it”
”Oh, did she!
”Sal, said that it creeps along the floor and it would jump and bite me. Sal said that the worm’s poison makes a whooshing sound in your head. Sal said when you hear that sound then you die." He was almost hyperventilating
"No such thing exists, okay."
He pouted because he’d been told off. Then he cried, “but Sal said that it’s invisible.”
Jenny became angry and clenched her teeth. “Well, how can Sal know about that if you can’t see it? Think about that?”
“She can see it with special glasses,” said Toby
“For heaven’s sake!”

Jenny had to wait for Toby to stop shaking before she went downstairs. She intended to call Sal right away. ”If she doesn’t tell him that it’s a fantasy then I will fire her,” Jenny told herself and grabbed her bag from the sofa to get her mobile phone.
Something pricked her arm
"Ouch," she cried and looked down worriedly at a blood spot.
She was looking for the culprit (please don’t be a bedbug) when she heard a strange whooshing sound in her head and the room began to spin.

***Hopefully not too messed up this time. Hope to see a native make corrections on this too. Thanks.

[Will709432]

Made couple of corrections, tänkte for tyckte... .still get mixed up sometimes about that. And changed this sentence... Sal sade när man höra det ljuden dör man. Should it be Sal sade när man höra det ljuden så dör man... så not needed here?

[Basler Biker]

Your post is all fine ! Here are some thoughts...

(could you say ”hon har på sig lila hår” here instead?)

No I don't think that you "wear" hair like you wear a pull-over or a dress
To have =/= to have ...on oneself

"hon mindes" ... or "hon kom ihäg"

is to remember ... / which is not "as she..." or I don't understand
I would propose "hon log när hon sa hejdå till flickan vid dörren"

no such thing

... maybe "Sådana saker finns inte" (such things exist not)

ska jag avskeda

Om hon inte säger till honom att det är en fantasi,
kommer jag att sparka henne...

Toby skulle sluta skakande

Jenny fick vänta på att Toby skulle sluta skaka.
or better, I think ... Jenny fick vänta tills Toby slutade skaka.
She had to wait till Toby had stopped shaking.

imho - BB

[Will709432]

(could you say ”hon har på sig lila hår” here instead?)

No I don't think that you "wear" hair like you wear a pull-over or a dress
To have =/= to have ...on oneself

Lol, unless it's a wig maybe?

Thanks for the corrections.

[Basler Biker]

You text has been rated B2 by Readlang ...

One thing I wonder about "word" rating, is whether the use of past tense, or past perfect, or any other verb tense, affects the rating of a verb, or whether just the infinitive is rated ...

One question, Will, are you practicing your speaking too?

PS: I corrected a typo in the title : lila with one l (nor lilla) but everywhere else it was OK.

[Basler Biker]

(could you say ”hon har på sig lila hår” here instead?)

No I don't think that you "wear" hair like you wear a pull-over or a dress
To have =/= to have ...on oneself

Lol, unless it's a wig maybe?

GTran ...(it's a cheat, but one can learn from it too, trying to understand why Gtran turns phrases a certain way...)
She is wearing a wig => hon har en peruk på sig
She wears a wig => hon bär peruk
She was wearing a wig / she wore a wig => hon bar peruk

(peruk : is a french loanword "une péruque", like so many Swedish words...)

In my language Dutch it's "ze draagt een pruik", where strictly speaking the verb "dragen" is "to carry"...but here used in a figurative way... unless it's an enormous wig.. maybe something the Brasilian Rio carnaval style ...

[Will709432]

Not speaking Swedish at all sadly. Just reading and writing. I love reading Swedish, as I think I mentioned to you before on duo, so seemed next step would be to try to write in it too. And I've discovered it's helping massively with my reading comprehension

[Will709432]

I changed Jenny satt på sängen men när hon rörde lätt vid hans panna ryckte Toby till .. to Jenny SATTE SIG ...
I think I read that satte sig is sat down on something, not sure if satt på is essentially the same thing or not.

[Basler Biker]

I changed Jenny satt på sängen men när hon rörde lätt vid hans panna ryckte Toby till .. to Jenny SATTE SIG ...
I think I read that satte sig is sat down on something, not sure if satt på is essentially the same thing or not.

I think that's OK.

It may not help you, but I can rely on Dutch for a lot of similarities. We can also say it both ways

• Jenny ging op het bed zitten. (= like "she went sitting on the bed")
  or transitive/reflexive
• Jenny zette zich neer op het bed.(= like "she sat herself down on the bed")

imho - BB

[Crahdol]

I was curious about the auto-correction tools so I tried it on this text. I see you already have a discussion going, and I have not read any of it (sorry).

Corrections by Crahdol: Svensk version
Den lila masken

Underlig tjejen, tänkte Jenny. Hon har på sig de där glasögonen överallt. Även inomhus. Och lila!
Jenny rynkade pannan. Kanske är de hjälp med ögon problem.
Tja, om hon njuter att se på världen i lila, vem jag är att säga något?
När Jenny var sexton år hade hon lila hår. {could you say ”hon har på sig lila hår” here instead?}
Hon log när hon mindes och tog farväl av flickan vid dörren. {would ”when she kom ihåg” work here as well?} {And I wanted to say, she smiled as she said goodbye to the girl at the door but when I wrote som, it looked to me as if I was saying, who said goodbye at the door}
Hon var trött från arbetet och gick direkt upp trappan. Hon tänkte gå till sängs omedelbar. Men hon bestämde sig för att titta till Toby först. Hon kikade in i Tobys rum. Hon blev överraskad över att han fortfarande var vaken. Hans lampa var tänd och han höll täcket under hakan. Han såg sig omkring i rummet. Hans blå ögon var stora av rädsla.
-Mardröm? Jenny satte sig på sängen men när hon rörde lätt vid hans panna ryckte Toby till.
-Vad är det för fel?
-Lilamask!
Jenny stirrade. -Lilamask?
Toby nickade. Hans läppar blev bleka. -Det kommer att fånga mig, stammade han. -Sal berättade
-Åh, det gjorde hon!
-Sal sade att det kryper längs golvet och att skulle det hoppa för att bita mig. Sal sade att maskens gift gör ett surrande ljud i man huvud {what about "ger upphov till" here, the poison gave rise to…?}. Sal sade när man höra det ljuden dör man. Han hyperventilerande nästan.
-Det finns inte, okej. {wasn't sure how to say, no such thing}
Han puttat för att han hade blivit utskälld. Då ropade Toby -men Sal sade att det är osynlig.
Jenny blev arg och bet ihop sina tände. -Nåja, hur kan Sal veta om man inte ser det? Tänk på det!
-Hon kan se det med special glasögonen, sa Toby.
-För himlens skull!"

Jenny fick vänta tills Toby skulle sluta skaka, innan gick hon ner trappan. Hon tänkte ringa Sal genast. -Om hon inte säger till honom att det är fantasi så kommer jag att sparka henne, sa Jenny till sig själv och tog tag i väskan från soffan for att få sin mobil {would hämta be better here? Changed from "så ska jag avskeda henne" to " så kommer jag att sparka henne" as suggested by Basler. Also changed vänta på att Toby skulle sluta skakande to Jenny fick vänta tills Toby slutade skaka, Basler suggestion ..not sure why I wrote skakande}.
Något stack hennes i arm.
-Ouch, ropade hon och såg oroligt ner på en blodfläck.
-Vad! … Hon letade efter skyldige (snälla, vara inte en sängbagge, tänkte hon) när det hördes ett konstigt susande ljud i huvudet och rummet började snurra
+++
Svensk version
Den lila masken

Underlig tjej, tänkte Jenny. Hon har på sig de där glasögonen överallt. Även inomhus. Och lila!
Jenny rynkade pannan. Kanske är hjälper de med ögonproblem.
Tja, om hon gillar att se på världen i lila, vem jag är att säga något?
När Jenny var sexton år hade hon lila hår. {could you say ”hon har på sig lila hår” here instead?} {ha på sig = 'to wear', it implies you can take it off}
Hon log när hon mindes och tog farväl av flickan vid dörren. {would ”when she kom ihåg” work here as well?} {sure, but mindes fits better. Komma ihåg implies that you made an effort to remember, while minnas implies it kinda just popped into your mind} {And I wanted to say, she smiled as she said goodbye to the girl at the door but when I wrote som, it looked to me as if I was saying, who said goodbye at the door}
Hon var trött från arbetet och gick direkt upp för trappan. Hon tänkte gå till sängs omedelbart. Men hon bestämde sig för att titta till Toby först. Hon kikade in i Tobys rum. Hon blev överraskad över att han fortfarande var vaken. Hans lampa var tänd och han höll täcket under hakan. Han såg sig omkring i rummet. Hans blå ögon var stora av rädsla.
-Mardröm? Jenny satte sig på sängen men när hon rörde lätt vid hans panna ryckte Toby till.
-Vad är det? {this is a more natural way to ask what's wrong in Swedish}
-Lilamask!
Jenny stirrade. -Lilamask?
Toby nickade. Hans läppar blev bleka. -Den kommer att ta mig, stammade han. -Sal berättade för mig om den.
-Jaså, det gjorde hon!
-Sal sa att den kryper längs golvet och att den skulle hoppa för att bita mig. Sal sade att maskens gift gör ett susande {surrande=buzzing like a bug, or perhaps loud electronics. whooshing is more of a wind sound so I would translate it as susande} ljud i ens huvud {what about "ger upphov till" here, the poison gave rise to…?} {that would also be a way to express it}. Sal sa att när man hör ljudet så dör man. Han hyperventilerande nästan.
-Något sådant finns inte, okej. {wasn't sure how to say, no such thing}
Han surade för att han hade blivit utskälld. Sedan utbrast han -men Sal sade att den är osynlig.
Jenny blev arg och bet ihop sina tänder. -Men, hur kan Sal känna till den om den inte syns? Tänk på det!
-Hon kan se den med speciella glasögon, sa Toby.
-För guds skull!" {a literal translation doesn't work here. We do have a similar saying though (++)}

Jenny fick vänta tills Toby slutade skaka, innan hon gick ner för trappan. Hon tänkte ringa Sal genast. -Om hon inte säger till honom att det är en fantasi så kommer jag att sparka henne, sa Jenny till sig själv och tog i väskan från soffan för att få sin mobil {would hämta be better here? Changed from "så ska jag avskeda henne" to " så kommer jag att sparka henne" as suggested by Basler. Also changed vänta på att Toby skulle sluta skakande to Jenny fick vänta tills Toby slutade skaka, Basler suggestion ..not sure why I wrote skakande}.
Något stack till i hennes arm.
-Aj, ropade hon och såg oroligt ner på en blodfläck.
Hon letade efter skyldige (snälla, var inte en vägglus, tänkte hon) när det hördes ett konstigt susande ljud i huvudet och rummet började snurra.

{++ No one would say "för himmelens skull" in Swedish. }

[Basler Biker]

I was curious about the auto-correction tools so I tried it on this text. I see you already have a discussion going, and I have not read any of it (sorry).

Thanks for trying it out. Works well I think. And much less "editing work" for you, no?

[mention]Will709432[/mention] [mention]Crahdol[/mention]
Just one thing... for extra information - not part of the text itself - as well in the source text as in the corrected text, instead of your habitual // do enclose it with { and } ... that is "accolades" or ALT+123 and ALT+125 they get another colour then. I changed it already now... Also the normal ( and ) may be part of the story, so don't use them to "ask for options..."

Also I noted that the tool can be mislead by a sutuation as with "himlen"...once edited away and replaced by "guds", and mentioned again as "himmelen" in the accolades. That's why I have put that comment in an extra ++ PS down the text.
It's a behaviour of the tool - which isn't really ours, so we can't "correct" it. It's Google API. But apart from that the DIFF works fine

[Will709432]

I was curious about the auto-correction tools so I tried it on this text. I see you already have a discussion going, and I have not read any of it (sorry).

Corrections by Crahdol:

Thanks for the corrections once again. I only just got to see this as I'm not getting notifications properly. Not sure why.

[Will709432]

I see a lot of my mistakes come from using wrong article, det/den, and placement of verb in clauses etc. Also overlooking tenses. Things I need to watch out for next time.
Very helpful. Thanks both.

[Crahdol]

I see a lot of my mistakes come from using wrong article, det/den, and placement of verb in clauses etc. Also overlooking tenses. Things I need to watch out for next time.
Very helpful. Thanks both.

Getting en- and ett- words, i.e. grammatical gender, right is probably one of the greatest challenges in learning Swedish as a second language. I'm sure you've heard that there are no rules to determine the gender of nouns in Swedish. This is not 100% true, but at the same time, it can sometimes be even more difficult.

Some words have homonyms of a different gender. For example val. The n-gendered version means 'whale', en val = 'a whale', valen = 'the whale'. However, the t-gendered version means 'election', ett val = an election, valet = the election.
What's worse (according to what I've heard), is that Norwiegan and Danish has the same gender-systems, but there is no consistency between words across the languages. Even word that are the same or extremely similar can have different genders in different languages. And then we have words like vänskap and kamratskap. Both are commonly translated as 'friendship' , but the latter is more similar to 'comradery'. Vänskap is an en-word, while kamratskap is an ett-word.

The reason we say there are no rules for this is that every rule or pattern you can come up with has enough exceptions to it to be unreliable. Here are some of these rules to use as pointers:

• Statistically speaking, 75% of all Swedish nouns are en-words.

• Most living beings are en-words. Some exceptions include: barn (child), lejon (lion).

• How a word ends can be an indicator of it's gender, but this only helps if you already know other words with the same ending. Example: words ending in -are are en-words and words ending in -eri are ett-words.

In short, you have to learn by doing! Especially listening to native speakers, and preferably practice speaking, to get the feel for how it's supposed to sound. That's the rule us Swedes go by; weather or not it 'sounds right'.

[Crahdol]

I'm not getting notifications properly. Not sure why.

Make sure you are du subscribed to the topic, or you will only get notified when quoted or mentioned (I think).
You can subscribe either by clicking the little spanner icon just above the first post, or by checking 'Notify me when a reply is posted' underneath the Full Editor when posting a reply.

...

[Basler Biker]

like Crahdol said, indeed.

And in addition you can make this 'Notify me upon replies' the default via your UCP.
In such case you only need to "uncheck" the option when you post a reply.
Else it's "on" for every reply.

But even then, I wonder, a "mention" to "page"/"ping" someone, such as here for [mention]Will709432[/mention] should always work, .. so did it now? BUT BUT BUT ... a mention only works when you submit a post the very first time, NOT after you edited the post in case you forgot the "mention"

[Will709432]

Forgot to ask what the difference is between då and sedan. In reading I see då a lot more often and until now thought då/sedan meant more or less the same thing so I started using it (wrongly as it turned out) as you saw in the text.

Take this sentence for example from book I'm reading.
[girl is trying to make a note stick in a kind of knot hole in a tree but it won't stay].. she writes: men till sist kilade jag fast lappen under en sten. Då låg den kvar.

Why not sedan låg den kvar?

Thanks

[Crahdol]

Forgot to ask what the difference is between då and sedan. In reading I see då a lot more often and until now thought då/sedan meant more or less the same thing so I started using it (wrongly as it turned out) as you saw in the text.

Take this sentence for example from book I'm reading.
[girl is trying to make a note stick in a kind of knot hole in a tree but it won't stay].. she writes: men till sist kilade jag fast lappen under en sten. Då låg den kvar.

Why not sedan låg den kvar?

Thanks

då = then.
sedan = after which / following that

In some situations either could work, just as with the English translations. In some situations it won't. <statement> då <result> feels more like the result happened 'because of' whatever was stated before.
<statement> sedan <result> instead emphasises that the result occurred after whatever was stated before, with the implication of causality.